The aftermath

We came home from the hospital on a Sunday.  Brian was going to come get us, but I HAD to get out of there.  Annie was feeling better, and I was completely overwhelmed.  For the next few days Brian's mom stayed with us to help.

Help with what though?  I just needed time and information, and I really wanted to be alone so I could grieve privately.  I would go to bed each night in tears.  I lived for bedtime.  I could go to sleep and dream of a completely alternate reality.  Waking up was awful.  It was living the diagnosis over and over again with each sunrise.  I wanted to sleep and not wake up.  Yikes...actually putting those words down on paper is frightening.

I was depressed.  And I hated Texas with all my heart.  Dumb Texas and its weird germs and viruses that somehow contributed to my little girl having diabetes.

Norah was only 9 months old.  She was an awesome baby...not demanding at all, just went along for the ride.  I'm grateful for that.  I'm sure she will have issues later.  ;)

It was so hard.  My showers became my sanctuary.  I could stand in there, and cry, and pray to my Heavenly Father for help.  And after a bit, I would get out and go on with my day.

Anyway, my neighbor out here is a wonderful woman named Kathi.  I love her dearly.  And...her daughter is also a Type 1 diabetic.  She has helped me so much...she completely understands our new life.  Kathi provides help, advice, understanding, babysitting, you name it.  She is an angel.  Of all the houses we considered buying...how could it just be coincidence that we felt THIS house was the right one?

It is not coincidence.  Heavenly Father knows us, and what we need.  And it is just sometimes hard to acknowledge His help in our lives.

The last two and a half years have probably been the hardest of my life.  Every day seems to bring a new challenge with one kid or another.  Brian and I often laugh about how good things were in residency!  I thought that was hard.....how funny.

But I now rely on the guidance of the Holy Ghost more than I ever did before.  I used to feel pretty wise, I suppose...and now I know I don't have any idea how to best help these children of mine.  So I pray, and I ponder, and I ask for help.  And in these few short years, I can now recognize how much inspiration we can really have EVERY day.  For ANY problem.

Amazing.  I must be growing up.  :)